Kristen

Grow up! You hurt my theatre. You hurt Me. If I ever see you again, which GOD HELP YOU IF I DO, DON'T TALK TO ME, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANY TIME OF ANYONES THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, PRAYERS, OR ATTENTION. AND I hope that you can get help. ERASE EVERYTHING THAT INVOLVES ME AND YOU! To save a "friendship" with Greg and Amy you have f*cked over all of us. Are you honest with yourself. Do you know who you have really hurt? You have hurt yourself."I love you guys, I do" You don't know what love is! Truth tells all and you will be judged in the end! Enjoy your relationship with Greg. I hope it is good for you. By the way, How's your hand?

You dirty "vindictive cunt"!

Erase me from your life you bitch!

The position that I am working right now is supposed to end this friday. However due to circumstances they are going to extend my contract. Barb is going to let me know how long. That makes me feel a little bit better. Things are good otherwise. The theatre is starting to pick up in numbers however we are not following the stereotype of counts. Intriguing non the less. Rehearsals are going well. I am really excited about Melissa's wedding. September 17, 2005 is the date. Its going to be a blast!

All I am is a bundle of nerves. I want to know about the job so that i can truely become one with the job. Love the job, make lots of money at the job. I just want to know. Holly meet me at the theatre at 5 with the table cloths I am helping renee set up.

love ya,

kristen

Still tickin. I interviewed for a job at towson U on wednesday. Today I got a call for a second interview. So that is good news. I hope I get my job position filled by Feb 25. I can't afford to not have a job. I almost can't afford to perform in Grease but theatre will keep my spirit alive.


tis all for the present.

Kristen

Hi

I am still alive. In the process of looking for another job so that I can live and still pay bills. Wouldn't that be nice. There are some issues that need to be adressed just so I can get them off my chest. As some friends come and go, Usually there is one that tends to stick around. But lately that has been extremely distant. So I end up feeling more alone than I need to be. We auditioned for Grease and Joseph, but I think I got a little bit of hypothermia last night working in the lobby. Couldn't feel my toes for the longest time. When I woke up this morning, I was warm and didn't want to get out of bed. We had a lot of talent come out last night. It's going to be an amazing show no matter who gets casted.



thats all for now

Kristen

table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td></td><td> You scored as Pissed at the World Cat. And here we have the next serial killer. Try having some cotton candy, it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, Psycho.

Sometimes when people affect you, you become blind to certain things that have been done for you that you don't realize. Things you wish for or things that you want for other people. I realized today that one thing that I really wanted has happened and prayers have been answered and for that I am really greatful. I found out about George Jones last night, no, not the country singer. A friend of mine that had AIDS. He passed away two weeks ago. All that kept echoing through my mind was when he and I were talking outside. He told me that he didn't want to die. But now that he has, I wonder if he changed his mind. I think that love is one thing that keeps us all living, but love is what embrasses us in death. All the memories of different situations can resolve into something really wonderful. peace. Peace of mind and peace of the heart.

Theatre opened to really good food and happy people I just hope that people will be able to appreciate the gifts.

Sometimes I don't know who my friends are at all. People try and persuade and push and use for personal vindication. I hope that I can really work things out in my head. Each step I take I get fucking plowed back by someone or something and its pissing me off. Mom is trying to get stuff done and all she does is talk about herself and never once asks me how I am doing. I don't know. I need to go get a job. I have no money. I have to wait another 2-3 days for towson because they lost my app. I am getting really frustrated because the longer that I don't work at Towson the longer its going to take. to get paid to pay for any Xmas presents becauseI probably won't get paid until the new year. I have my car payment and rent and I am going to die. Maybe I should just get a real job and stop doing theatre. I don't know I am just rambling now.

I need to just fucking SCREAM!

Writing helps you explore your feelings and so I have decided to start writing alot. Something I know a lot about are friendships. Jordans friendship with me means the world to me and I want to share our experiences for my memory and for the world. I have started writing something. I don't know how long it will be or when I will have a chance to keep writing but I know that I want to write down my memories so I don't loose them. I am going to call it Jordan Siebert from the bench to broadway. I will share some of the best times and some of the worst. It will be an adventure. Mainly just to see if I can do it.

Hedwig closed last night but never fear if you missed it. Miss Hedwig will be returning in January. Minus me but she will be back in full force. We struck the show and then watched the movie. Laughed a lot at how much better that Jordan was as Hedwig. How could I do it better than tony or Lou or John Cammeron Mitchell. But I believe he has. He has created a world for Hedwig and the best part is that I got to share that world every single night. Baltimore Sun called him a force of nature. The world will never be the same as long as Jordan is in it. They broke the mold when they made him and I hope that other people can just take an example out of the mold that Jordan made.

Things in my life are stressful but fun. I am still breathing in and out so that is a start. I hope that the world will finally begin to give me a break. I have worked so very hard for one. "Sometimes the world gives you an inch when you really deserve a mile." Well lets just say I am still waiting for my inch. I hope the world treats you kind and smiles on you everyday

I am just saying that I love my scene with Santa and the infomertial. I had the entire cast of rudolph pretty much peeing and eddie said that it was all he could do to throw up a little

A note on relationships. Sometimes expectations of what the outcome of a certain meetings and impresions can negate themselves when you learn the truth. It can hurt a lot . Falsification of a certain period in me life has turned out to be a huge lie and facade. I hope that you are happy with the facts of leading me on. Why would a person try and really understand situations if that person situation will be a total lie and understanding what had happened ment nothing. * sigh* So beith my life.


on to the next adventure

Kristen

just ya know fyi.

I have never been this shitily broke. I hate money. I think we should go back to the barter system. Or maybe I should just offer services for things like.... Will give hand jobs for food? or You can like me for a dollar. Something like that but I havbe too much self esteem for things like that.

Hedwig is Amazing If you haven't seen it then your just imature dickheads who hold grudges. Sorry the terrets kicked in a little bit. I want to wish you well in yatraila house ya bitch.

Speaking of bitches. Don't you hate when people are sweet and loving and gentle in front of your face and turn around and stab ya in the back. Lets just say my life is wonderful.
So fuck off!

Does anybody want Spotlight my kitty? Its not fair for Callie and Tigger to be locked up like they are. It's their house. Frankly, I am not home enough to keep a cat. If I don't hear a reply from anyone I will take him to the animal shelter but i don't want to do that. He is really playful and loving he is just a little to hyper to maintain. If he slept all day it would be different. I just want to make sure that he goes to a good home. Karen maybe you have an idea of someone who would want him. Let me know asap. Just post back .. Thats it for now about Spotlight.


I auditioned last night for Rudolph the red Hosed raindeer. Terry had me do a white trash reporter. I think its going to be hilarious. I want one of the gossip does. Let's see if I get it. He asked me where I was a year ago. He said he would have casted me in Once upon a Mattress. Once again Day late and a dollar short. I want to do Mattress so badly. One day I will get Fred. Thats it for now.

So last night at Hedwig when Jordan kicked open the door for the Tommy Gnosis Cue the light went out. It is a huge symbol within the production. So I had to crawl back behind the flat and take 2 par cans with me and hook some new lighting into the new channel. So I did. It took me crawling back through that little tiny area... 4x to get it hooked up. Did I get stuck in the door when Jordan opened the door for Tommy can you hear me. Yes I did! I think Shannon said it best when she was like. Winnie the Pooh going through the Rabbit Hole. All I remember is trying to find the right time to go through the little tiny area and praying to god that I was going to fit. When I heard Shannon screaming during Angry Inch GO KRISTEN GOGOGOGOGOGO !!!! I almost peed a little. ok Lights should be fixed and I hope that it will never happen again. I did have a good time doing it.. It was an adventure. Ok going to shower so I can do my make-up gurrru ism.



Kristen

I realized now how much I hate this job. One more month and I am outta here. Hopefully I will have enough leads to keep going with it. Maybe I can go back to hourly wages so that I am at least have a definate paycheck. Things are going well for me though. I am getting into tech week for Hedwig I am running the fly's, confetty (sp?) cannon, and doing all of the bands make-up. p.s. didya see the Halloween Wal Mart commercial... adorable.ok back to the grind

I have realized in the past few days how many things just come and go out of my life and how easilly things are replaced. Is it a good thing? I don't know. Throughout my short time on this puny little planet I have realized that I have lost some things with dealing with life that I am not sure I want to give up. My urge for spontinaity, My flirtatious personality, and one thing that I miss most of all is my ability to laugh hystarically for an entire evening without having to stop. But now there are things, bills, relationships. Lost friendships. Being in the middle of this world I kinda wanna scream and shout just to make sure that the world is still listening.

I hope that this is just a temporary lose of symptoms. I want to be taken away from this place in my head.

When we loose a family, what do we gain. How can I replace my sister? She is suppossed to be the one who wants to go and do things and have fun with her big sis. But instead I feel like she is just tossing me aside like a piece of gristle that she can't eat. Why does she hate me? What did I ever do to her? So what I choose to talk to both my mother and father after the divorce. Why should I be punished for that. Well I guess that is just the way that life goes.

Well mine at least... just once just once I want to get one step ahead instead of pulled back 100ft.

I am at work on a monday. Kinda can't breathe. Congested, fever again, headache. Wait maybe thats just because its monday. Don't feel good.. grrrrrr. I want medicine and my bed and soup. Soup is always good. k gonna talk to La now .

Bye

I can't wait to get out of work and it is only 10:49. I am so tired of doing the same thing. I need some spice in my life. Anybody interested in playing. I am sure I can think of something.

Well I did it. I took my cat to get Neutered. It was one of the saddest moments in my life. He just meowed and meowed and it sounded like he was crying. So I did everything at once,cut off his balls and moved him to a new house with 2 cats. I just hope that Tigger will be ok. She is kinda Bi-polar like that. He seems to be doing fine but I want him to eat. I fed him and he is still exploring the new room. I do want to get him declawed but the Animal rescue place wouldn't do it. So I will wait a month or so and then I will check out the $ situation. I get paid today though most of it goes to bills. Why can't I will the Lotto or have Oprah sponsor my bills. Cuz until the bills go down there is no way that I can even think about going back to school. We shall see. Lisa got me a job at Towson University which I am hella excited about. It's a temp job but I think I will be good at it and like it. I love working with computers. So we will try and get my resume together and put it on monster or something. Ok Enough chatting I am going to check on Spotlight.

Kristen

I have a mix of Hedwig and Wicked fighting in my head its not cute. Last night I had a dream that Jordan as Hedwig started singing defying gravity. The makeup was really cool though. Still alive and kickin. I found out today that I get really bored at work. I sat there for 1/2 hour "carding" and didn't even know that I was doing it. Its so damn monotonous. But Oh well It kinda pays the bills. Still looking for a good time. We are going to see Dad's band playing tommorow night. I am really excited the drummer and the lead vocalist are both blind. If anyone wants to join, you can meet us at the dinner theatre after hell..,. 0h I am sorry thats not the name of the show that is just what I feel like when I am there! Holly and I are supposed to get the rest of Jordan's stuff out of Laurel. I am so damn tired of moving SHIT! Still looking for a date or a hooker which ever I find first. Although.... not a hooker cuz I am kinda broke.. a slut maybe. Ok going to nap a bit before the evening starts erupting. Bye for now